Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
