Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
