u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
