my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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