Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
