I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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