I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
