I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
