No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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