So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
