sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
