if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
