He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
