you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
