I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
