Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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