my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i've created a new STD.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
