Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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