I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
