I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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