The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
