one two three fourrrrnication!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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