this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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