is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
did you just send me my own nude
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
