Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
