Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
