I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
