3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
