Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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