My nipple is on Facebook.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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