just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Shame - the story of my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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