Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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