Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
