i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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