batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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