I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
