Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
