Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize