mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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