At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They have beer where we have blood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
