He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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