in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think i peed on brittanys purse
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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