Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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