Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
