Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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