You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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