So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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