She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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