I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
