remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
