32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A+ Viking dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
