In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
