I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
