Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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