Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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