Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
