I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
