OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
