Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
